Blaming My Littles Ones & Link-Up

This morning I was up at 5:38am.  I had laid in my bed just thinking.  That is something that happens A LOT! I was thinking about my boys.  I thought about my youngest, Sunshine and just the thought of him brought a smile to my face, even a giggle.  And then I thought of my two older boys and the only thing that came to my mind was how hard I have been on them lately.  I wondered why couldn't I think of them and have the same joy come over me as with Sunshine.  And I realized, every time I think about my older boys I quickly recall Gabriella.  I recall ALL that happened in that first year. I don't remember them as a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old boy.  I don't remember many happy times in that year.  2009 was really a blur for me.  I can't believe I am actually sharing this but I feel I need to get it out and confess it.  I need to be freed from these thoughts.

I went to the Lord this morning and just told Him all that was on my heart. I told Him that I don't want to subconsciously and consciously blame my boys for my frustrations and lack of patience.  The loss of a sweet sister and daughter was not their fault.  I do miss Gabriella. And I have to admit that I should have spoken about her more and how I felt then.  I feel that all my frustrations and lack of patience with my boys are a result of lingering pain that I had not fully given to the  Lord.

When I think of all my boys I just want to see and feel JOY!  I want my heart to rejoice because I have them.  I want to tear down that wall of hurt when I approach them and speak to them.  I want to hug them more, love them more, find out who they are, enjoy the days with them.  My husband says to me daily, "enjoy them and love them today!".  And, honestly, I used to just say, "okay" and in my mind thought, but "HOW??!! Someone tell me how??!!" They mark such a painful moment in my life that they did not choose or have any fault.  I put that mark on them and sadly they have no clue I have.  They must wonder, "will, I ever make mommy happy?".  My poor children.  I know that they have gone through a lot.

BUT NO MORE!!  This morning I went before the Lord and begged, poured out my heart, to fill me with His love, so that I may pour it into their lives.  I INTENTIONALLY LOVED THEM TODAY!!  Please do not misunderstand me, I love my children, I would give anything for them, but I have not been enjoying them, enjoying watching them grow; I have been so distracted by everything else that I haven't taken the time to look at the glow in their eyes when they make a discovery.  I have shooed them away when they want to tell me something, because I was busy.  I feel I have missed out on so much! BUT NO MORE!

I have crucified my frustrations, lack of patience, feelings of hurt and pain, the whys and should haves to the cross.  I will no longer go back.  I will look at my children, including Gabriella, as a blessing.  I will pour my life and love into them. They are each special children of the Lord; I will treat them as such.

I asked the Lord this morning to tell me how to do this and this was his answer:

⁵ “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned. ⁷ But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! ⁸ When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.  ~John 15:5-8~

This was His answer, REMAIN IN ME and I WILL REMAIN IN YOU! The only way I will see a change in me is by choosing Him.  Seeking Him.  Meditating on Him.  It is not about changing my children's personalities, attitudes and character, it is about accepting God's will in my life, accepting the children He has given me, accepting that He has Gabriella, stop blaming me, my children and my husband for our loss. Accepting that Gabriella is and will always be my daughter even though she is not with me.  I have to enjoy and think about those precious moments that I had her and rejoice.  One day I will join her.

I want to share the MOST PRECIOUS MOMENT that we had with Gabriella.  I praise the Lord because He allowed us the opportunity to dedicate her to the Lord before she passed away.  In the video you will see my father, who is our Pastor dedicating his first and only granddaughter.  This was actually his first baby dedication, so you can imagine how special it is for him.  The dedication was in spanish, but I think you can feel the presence of God in the room.  Before viewing the videos please pause the music at the bottom of the blog.

I pray that you were blessed.  If you want to share this post please do not copy the videos.  These are personal videos that I am sharing.  You may share the link to this post and whoever wants to view it can watch from here.  Thank you for understanding.

For His Glory and By His Grace,
Monica

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If you have grieved a child please take time to encourage other Momma's.  If you have never written about your loss, I pray that by visiting other's blogs you are encouraged and blessed.

There are no rules to this link-up.  I just want it to be a place where Momma's can be encouraged and blessed. I would like for us to fellowship weekly.  Each week, as the Lord lays on my heart, I will post certain things we Momma's go through/deal with during grieving, and as always share the Word.  This is how the Lord has led me to do this link-up.  Really it is a time of fellowship where we can gather to pray together and comfort each other. I hope you would join me and this blog for fellowship.

  

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God's Blue Print for Marriage

Have you ever wondered why you married your spouse?  (Please do not stop reading! There is a point to this post!) Was it only because you loved him?  Was it because you saw a great future with him?  Have you wondered what the purpose of your marriage is?

I have said and heard many wives say, "God joined us with a purpose".  When I had said that, I envisioned GREAT things!  I saw us ministering together as a couple is so many areas.

The love story that I live started 17 years ago, when my husband and I met. Our friendship turned into love.  We were God's design for each other. Are love for each other is true and unconditional.  Yes, we do get upset, we do have our ups and downs, we don't understand each other everyday (sometimes because of the way our minds translates the others language!) but we love each other and know we were created for each other with a purpose in the heart and mind of God.

Purpose: The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.

So what is the purpose of my marriage?  What is God's reason for our "I do's"? What is the end result of the existence of our marriage? What is God's blueprint for my marriage?  HIS BLUEPRINT WILL ANSWER ALL MY QUESTIONS!

God has a purpose for my marriage and your marriage.  Many times we lose focus of that purpose with the demands of life.  Our home must be tended to, our children, taken care of and educated, our husbands cared for, ministries we are part of, jobs to go to, classes to teach, our lists can go on and on.  I want to share with you what God showed me through His Word. The purpose of the love that joined my husband and I together goes beyond our love for each other and our plans.  I have been focusing on how to have a better marriage by looking at how to better our finances, our communication/ understanding, our intimacy,  my role as a wife, his role as a husband, when really that is all secondary (please do not misunderstand me, it is NOT bad to better these areas).  God wants me to look at His blueprint, first.  When I follow His blueprint all of the other areas in my marriage that I want to better will better itself.  Our (my husband and I) focus has to be what His purpose is for our marriage NOT what we think His purpose is for our marriage.

I hope you would join me next Monday for Part 2 of God's Blue Print for Marriage, as we go to the Word of God and discover God's purpose for our marriages.

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Two Shall Become One Marriage Link-Up

I invite you to join me every Monday for this 
"Two Shall Become One" Marriage Link-Up.

Please share your post on any and all things related to being a wife, i.e. tips for other wives on "becoming your husbands bride", ways to touch your husbands heart/minister to him, dating ideas, what God is doing in your marriage that can bless others, etc. 

Link to your actual post, not just your general blog address. Don't forget to link back, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code below for you to insert in your post or on your side bar.  I hope you would follow this blog and be encouraged weekly to start your weeks as "his bride".

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Sixth Commandment Sunday School Printables

Source: etsy.com via Amanda on Pinterest

These are printables that I created to use in my Sunday School class.  They are intended for children ages 3-6.  There is a writing practice sheet, a take home sheet, games, craft / ideas page and coloring pages. These may also be used for Bible time for those of you that homeschool or even family time.  May you be blessed as you instruct your children to the Lord and in His Word.

Please leave a comment with how you were able to use them, if you liked them or if you have any suggestions. 

When printing PDF, scale to fit page, that way nothing is cut off.

For His Glory and By His Grace,

Monica

Link-ed up to the blogs on the "BLOG LINK-UP PAGE" above - check them out!

Sixth Commandment

Getting Serious With God & Dayspring Good Things Teacup & Tote Review

Have you been slacking in your time with God?  I {honestly} totally HAVE!! My excuse: homemaking responsibilities, homeschooling, the boys, a business to help run, a ministry I serve in, the list can keep going! On and off I would have time with the Lord, without interruption, but again I wouldn't get up! Back in February, during a homeschooling conference, one of the speakers talked about her time with the Lord.  Something she had to do intentionally, due to the business of life, she spoke about a special box she had that helped her.

I have had this picture of a special box in the back of my head since then and kept telling myself that I have to go out and get a box.  So obviously that did not happen!  But what did happen was a box came to my door with this! Dayspring Good Things Collection Tote and Teacup!

As soon as I opened it, I knew this was my "box"!  I know it's not a box but I know exactly what I was going to use it for.  I am getting SERIOUS with my Lord.

Here is how I am getting serious with God:

1. I am intentionally waking up early, before everyone in my home.  I have found and seen the difference it makes to go before the Lord and have some time to get in the Word, pray and be encouraged by Him.  If you struggle getting up early, but want to, my secret is, I pray to God the night before (actually beg Him) to wake me up early because I want to spend time with Him ... and He wakes me up (YES! I do believe He wakes me up!) - the time: 5:00am ( I know early! but I have one hour for prayer and time in the Word, reading my books, and then laundry starting my day) - 8:00am
2. With getting up early - I now am going to bed early!  NO MORE COMPUTER in the wee hours of the morning... this is a good thing... time with my husband, a good nights rest and time with the Lord bright and early and a JOY filled day!

The benefits:

1. Draw closer to Him
2. Knowledge in His Word
3. Getting serious with God will also benefit in my marriage.  My husband said to me the other morning,  I love to see you before I leave the house.  It is nice to share the early morning with him with no distractions, even if it is for 10 minutes. And when he comes home, I can greet him with love!
4. Take away my frustrations!
5. I will be so encouraged by the Lord that I know my children will see a difference in my attitude!
6. I will be spiritually, emotionally and mentally filled with the Word and God's presence that it will  over flow in my home, marriage, children, our school, our business, our ministry... even my blog!
7. I will have JOY filled DAYS!!

The Plan:
I am taking the same idea for the speaker and making it suitable for me.  My tote will contain everything that I need to help me to draw closer to God.  Every morning I will grab my tote and my cup of ? and to my special meeting place with the Lord.

Here is what is going in the tote:

1. My Bible
2. A small binder with sections
1. Notes from sermons that I have listened to
2. Letters to God/ Journal 
3. Scripture that I want to reflect more on in areas that I feel I am struggling - Scripture memorization
3. Pen, marker, pencil, pencil crayons
4. MOM books I recently purchased/ given to me
1. Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson
2. The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
3. The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
4. Education the Wholehearted Child by Clay and Sally Clarkson
5. Chasing after God and the Kids too by Cheryl R. Carter
5. I will also have my Dayspring encouragement cards that I get monthly.  I want to be able to send a card to whomever God lays on my heart
6. My address book, that way I don't need to get up and go into my office area - IN THE BASEMENT!

If my husband were writing, he would tell you that I am a "bag lady"!  He would tell you that I have a bag for everything in my life!  IT'S TRUE!  So, to no surprise to him, I would have a "bag"/ tote to carry all my "utensils" to draw closer to God! The tote says, "I will bless the Lord." Psalm 103:2 and that is exactly what I am and want to do.  I want to bless Him with my time ~ I know I will be extremely blessed! If you are wondering if it can hold all of these items - YES! it does! It is great!

Oh and the teacup, I love!  I don't drink coffee, well really I have never tasted it, so I have never had my own cup for anything!  NOW I do, I can sip in my cup of tea or hot cocoa every morning!  It says "He will fill my life with good things!" ~ AMEN!

I hope this encourages you and if you find your self in my shoes and want to get serious, find yourself a beautiful tote and put everything you need in it to draw closer to Him!  I will give you updates on how it's going for me!

For His Glory and By His Grace,
Monica

I was given this tote and teacup from the Dayspring (in)spired line of products in exchange for a review. Although I was given a free product, all opinions are all my own. This disclosure is in accordance to the FTC guidelines. 
I am a Dayspring Affiliate. Links are Affiliate Links.

Grieving Father - Remembering he lost a child too... & Link-Up

Source: Uploaded by user via Joanna on Pinterest

My husband is my best friend.  We talk about everything.  But when Gabriella passed away it was different.  I talked and cried.  I know I shut him out for some time.  I guess it was my way of healing.  As I look back on those days, those months, I wish I would have talked more.  Asked more.  My husband is a quiet and patient man.  He is the type that takes his time, no rushing.  I never knew what to expect from him when Gabriella passed away.  He became who I leaned on.  He was my voice.  He was the person who took charge of our home and our boys.  I can only imagine what he had to hold back in order for me to try to press forward.


Until this past year I asked my husband what he felt with the loss of our daughter.  I could never believe what he shared with me.  It was truly eye opening.  I then thought I wish I would have talked about it sooner; it would have helped understand certain responses, facial expressions, certain non-responses and frustrations.

No matter how long it has been since your baby has gone with the Lord, I encourage you to sit down with your husband and talk.

Somethings to think about before you talk:

1. Remember that your husband feels pain and hurt, but as a father.  
1. (Husband's Response) Something that my husband reminded me was that he did not know how to deal with Gabriella's loss because he did not get to spend time with her the way I did (I carried her for 6.5 months).  It wasn't until after everything had passed that reality hit that his child, his daughter was not with him. 
2. There are many things that he can not answer, so don't take it as if he were ignoring you or he has forgotten.  
1. (Husband's Response) I asked my husband why he wouldn't answer my questions of respond to many of my remarks in the beginning months/ year.  He simply said he didn't have answers and he just wanted to be there for me because he knew if was very difficult for me.
3. His way of grieving, might not be your way of grieving.
4. Never think that your husband does not grieve. 
1. (Husband's Response) My husband says that he was usually alone when he grieved. He also told me while he was working he saw a garden stone that read "If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again".  When he came home he told me (as he cried) that he started crying when he read it.  I think he had been trying to be so strong for me that he hadn't been able to cry for his precious daughter.  He confessed to me tonight that it was that moment that he felt the relationship with his daughter. He felt the separation.  He felt his heart long for her, his only daughter.
5. I tried to remind myself that "I" wasn't the one who lost a child "WE" were the ones who lost a child.  Remembering that my husband is going through a painful moment in his life. 
1. (Husband's Response) My husband told me tonight that as a father, he knows that Gabriella is not with us but she is part of his life.  She left a mark in his life and on his heart that no one can take away or erase.
6. Many times a hug and kiss, is more than words.
7. Recognize all that your husband is doing for your home - tell him "thank you",  "I couldn't go through this without you by my side", "I love you"
8. He does miss your baby angel.
9. If he doesn't want to open up right away, let him know that you are there to listen.

I pray that my husbands conversations with me will help you and your spouse.  I pray that you hold each other by the hand's and hold on to the Word of God as you both go through these hard times.  Be there for each other and your children.  I will be praying for your families.

For His Glory and By His Grace,

Monica

*********************************************************************************

If you have grieved a child please take time to encourage other Momma's.  If you have never written about your loss, I pray that by visiting other's blogs you are encouraged and blessed.

There are no rules to this link-up.  I just want it to be a place where Momma's can be encouraged and blessed. I would like for us to fellowship weekly.  Each week, as the Lord lays on my heart, I will post certain things we Momma's go through/deal with during grieving, and as always share the Word.  This is how the Lord has led me to do this link-up.  Really it is a time of fellowship where we can gather to pray together and comfort each other. I hope you would join me and this blog for fellowship.

  

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